Confusion
by Corovera
Summary: #53 of my 100 Themes one-shot challenge. Every part of his life is borrowed, so where can he go from here?


When Marta knocked on the door, no one came to answer it. That was unusual, since Emil should've been home, and it wasn't like him to keep people waiting. She stood there a while longer. Still no response.

Soon, she became impatient and opened the door anyway. The house was quiet, and all the lights appeared to be off, although some of the curtains had been drawn to let the sunlight in. Or rather, they would have, if the sun was still out. Somewhat worried, Marta walked through the house and began to search it room by room.

When she found Emil, he was in his room – or rather, the spare room that he'd taken over upon moving in. He was alone and silent, with only a small lamp keeping the room from being entirely dark. He was sitting at a desk, and appeared to be occupied by the contents of a worn notebook. Upon closer examination, Marta recognized it as the one they'd written in while traveling together. Even as she'd approached, though, he failed to notice her. It wasn't until she tapped his shoulder that she saw any kind of reaction. He turned around, startled. "You're back already?" he remarked.

Marta put her hands on her hips. "What do you mean, "already?"" she asked. "It's past sunset. I actually stayed _later_ than usual!"

Emil seemed not to have noticed how late it was until just now. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he replied.

Marta's expression softened. "So what were you up to, anyway?" she asked.

She glanced down at the notebook. "Is this really so interesting?"

"No, not really," Emil admitted. "I hadn't been looking at it for long. I just…I was thinking about stuff, and I felt like taking this out."

"Thinking so much that you forgot what time it was?"

"Well, no, I…"

Emil paused. "Actually, I guess that's what must've happened. Sorry."

"No need to apologize," Marta told him.

A smile crept onto her face. "But now I'm curious. What was it that got you so lost in thoughts? Don't tell me you're already thinking about how to celebrate being together for a year?"

"No, that's not it at all!" Emil protested. "I – I mean, I've thought about it, but isn't there still another month?"

"Three weeks, actually," Marta corrected. "But I was just joking about that. You seem more worried than excited. Something wrong?"

Emil was silent. "OK yeah, something's wrong," said Marta. "Did something go wrong today?"

Emil sighed. "I guess you could say that," he admitted. "But it's not that big of a deal, so – "

"Don't try to pretend it's nothing," Marta interrupted. "If it were, you wouldn't have been so fixated on it."

Emil opened his mouth to protest, but quickly decided against it. "Yeah, you're probably right," he admitted.

"Good. Now that that's over with, would you mind talking about it? I think you'd feel better if you didn't just keep it to yourself."

"Alright, I'll try."

He thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain it. "I was out getting groceries, and I ran into this guy. He seemed really upset when he saw me, and I had no idea why. At first, he just kept to his own business, but he kept looking back at me like he wanted to say something. And then eventually, he…"

Emil looked away for a few seconds before continuing. "He came over and started shouting at me. He said he didn't know who the hell I was, but I had to stop pretending to be Emil Castagnier. He…he said the real Emil was dead – he'd seen the body being carried off and everything. Marta, he was really upset. He said I wasn't fooling anyone, and that I don't even look like him, and I'm probably some con man. I didn't know what to say."

Marta stared at him, stunned. "That's terrible!" she exclaimed.

She grabbed Emil and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry," she murmured.

"It's no big deal," Emil replied.

The two of them broke apart. "Yes it is!" Marta insisted. "Who does he think he is, talking to you like that?"

"I guess, but…well, he's not wrong," Emil said. "I really am pretending to be someone I'm not. This guy probably isn't the only one who's figured it out."

"No, I don't think that's true," said Marta. "It was an unusual situation. It's not really your fault that you ended up thinking you were him, and it's not like you _tried_ to steal someone else's name."

"I know, but I still kinda did."

Marta frowned. "Well, what are you going to do, then? Do you want to choose a new name?"

"No, not really," said Emil. "This one might not be mine, but I'm too used to it to start calling myself anything else. And besides, it's not like I can actually go by Ratatosk."

"That would _definitely_ not work," agreed Marta.

She took a moment to think. "What if you only changed your last name?"

"What would I change it to, though?"

"Um…"

A huge grin appeared on Marta's face. "I know! Why don't you use mine once we get married? I know it's unconventional, but if you're OK with that, then…"

She stopped. Emil was blushing furiously. "I-is that a proposal?" he blurted.

Marta waved her hands in front of her. "No, of course not! It was just an idea, that's all!"

She looked away, her face almost as red as his. "Sorry, I guess it's too early to bring up something like that," she admitted.

Emil took a little while to compose himself before continuing. "It's not just my name, though. It's…well, everything. Even my face isn't mine. How am I supposed to make a life for myself when everything I have to work with is borrowed?"

Marta was quiet. "I guess that's why I took out our travel log," Emil continued. "It's a reminder of how far I've come from being a scared, lonely kid who let everyone walk all over him. I want to believe I can figure things out, but sometimes it's hard to imagine, so I have to remind myself that I've done it before."

He paused. "Does this make any sense? I hope it does."

"I think I get what you're trying to say," said Marta.

She looked towards the window. By now, it was dark enough to see the stars, and the moon had risen to its full height in the night sky. "You know, Daddy told me something during my visit. He said that to someone who's used to being powerless, being able to carve one's own path can seem terrifying."

"He said that?"

"Yeah. We were talking about why he started the Vanguard, but I think it fits you a lot better."

Marta paused for a moment, a faraway look in her eyes. "Daddy took a path that led to a lot of people being hurt, and he's in jail because he knows he has to take responsibility for it. He's going to be there for a long time, and he's made his peace with that. But Emil…you have a whole life ahead of you, and not just as a human. Even if your name and face weren't always yours, you're still your own person. You haven't stolen anything, no matter what some random jerk says. He has no right to say such things when he doesn't know you at all."

Emil didn't seem entirely convinced, but he tried to make himself smile anyway. Somehow, that made him feel just a little bit better. "And honestly, can you imagine what Tenebrae would say if he saw you like this?" added Marta.

She put her hands on top of her head in an imitation of long ears. "I never imagined I'd see the mighty Lord Ratatosk sulking and licking his wounds like a frightened kitten," she said, doing her best Tenebrae impression. "Since when have you needed anyone's approval?"

Emil laughed. "He probably would say something like that."

"He _totally_ would," said Marta. "Which is why you should listen to him."

She paused, realizing that didn't make sense. "Or, well, to me. Or me pretending to be him. To both of us, I guess."

"Can't argue with that," said Emil.

He smiled. "It's not going to be easy figuring all this out, but at least I don't have to do it alone."

Marta nodded. "Yeah. Let's do it together. And if it's too hard even for both of us…well, that's what friends are for, right?"

She took another look at the window. "It's really late, though. Let's sleep on it for now. We can talk more in the morning, if you'd like."

"Sounds good."

Marta stood up and started to leave the room. Before she reached the door, though, Emil spoke up. "Marta?"

Marta turned around. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Marta walked back to him and gave him a quick kiss. "Any time."


End file.
